It isn’t easy.
I committed myself to being more creative with my time in June of this year. I came back from a festival and felt…not alive. I felt like the festival helped me live, but it felt like what I had at home, what I spent my time doing, was not living. So I chose to cut out the security job I was doing. That took a month because I’d already committed myself to working at another festival in July. And after that…I just feel different.
I don’t feel old. I feel…like I value time more. Like I see that time passes, and no matter how much or how little of it I have left, I want to use it the best way I know how. And that’s doing things I love doing.
I was doing a lot of hobbies. I gave most of my hobby supplies away. I was using hobbies as a way of keeping me busy. And nothing was ever finished, nothing was ever really done or created. Whereas when I write or do art, I feel accomplished almost immediately. I can see my progress. I can see it being appreciated. That matters to me.
I wish WordPress wasn’t so sucky. This is pretty tough to write in, as a medium, because the keystrokes aren’t being acknowledged. It’s that whole ‘in the cloud’ thing, where if you don’t have a fast enough computer or internet connect, it can’t connect and save to the cloud quickly enough to put it onto the ‘page’ if you will. I’m typing words quickly and they aren’t showing up. I guess that’s because so many people rely on auto correct for things. I really don’t. I know what I’m trying to say. I don’t need or want a system trying to do it for me.
I’m working on a book. And I have a new character I’m using based on my World of Warcraft experiences. I started playing that again. Yep, sure did. I’m lonely, don’t judge me. Of course, what’s lonelier than playing in a world as vast as WoW and not seeing any actual people? I don’t know. I’m better off going on a bus in real life, I’ll see plenty of people then. But I think I’ll be disappointed. Real people are so…real. Know what I mean?
I like elves. And orcs. And monsters. And things that in the real world would hurt but that in our world, well, they don’t. I like that.