I’m gonna post some old Anti Valentine’s Day pics. Even when I had a sexy vday lover to share these days with, I still made these great pics. These are pretty old so pardon the art styles. Still funny though!
Crappy Suckentine’s Day
Found Jason Hill at Audible!
Weee! Gods this man’s voice rules me. And then I randomly checked Amazon.com to see if he was there. He was, and he IS!
First, there’s this book about vampires – what the fuck, I LOVE vampires! – and Jason is the narrator.
It’s free with an Audible account, which I happen to have..ahem! But I tell ya, I’d pay to hear Jason Hill saying ‘fuck’ the way he says ‘fuck’….fuck…!
He’s also included in one of the Chilling Tales for Dark Nights anthologies.
Wonder what story he narrates there? He’s so delicious. Sometimes when I’m listening to the Chilling Tales for Dark Nights podcasts, an ad for Horror Hill comes on, and it’s clearly an old one with Jason Hill narrating. Drives me nuts, it does. Gives me a wetty no matter where I am, time of day or night, bus or walking or sitting or shopping. Just…Jason Hill. Man, I love that voice. He’s so smooth. Like, the other narrators all remind me of someone else who is already famous. One at CTFDN sounds like Matthew Mcconaughey, another sounds like Justin Long. You can just picture this or that popular person telling the story. But Jason Hill is incredibly unique and I just can’t get enough of him.
Know who he reminds me of? Remember the Originals, the WB or CB or whatever vampire show spin-off to Vampire Diaries? And then there was the stuff with um, the witch girl and the blonde vampire, and the lil babies? But then there was that random vampire that came out of nowhere, seemed Cajun or something. Had a very Joe Manganiello look about him, but he was incredibly random and outstanding all at once. Jason Hill is like that. He’s just…his own original. Can’t get enough!
EDIT!! I had to research that vamp. It’s Enzo St. John, played by Michael (it’s just a bunch of) Malarkey.
I’ll download some of these and hopefully remember to come back and tell y’all how hot they were to listen to. Yum!
Ugh Posting
I have SUCH a hard time getting in here to post. I know it’s to my benefit and to the benefit of anyone left in my fanbase. But ugh. I think it’s because I’m overwhelmed in real life with work and the like. Rent’s behind, but groceries and family are fine. Know what I mean? I don’t work enough but I could work more. I don’t wanna! Ugh…
Well here’s a shot of my lovely avatar self playing around in Superfly and lighting. Look at that shiny skin, but don’t ask me how it got to be like that! I’m also working on getting back to doing series for Renderotica. A friend of mine from Discord just got accepted by them and I want to get in to it too. I’m already one of their accepted artists. Now I need to use this as a source of income and get to work. His work doesn’t have words so maybe I can do that too. Straight pic series? Count me in! But what would my subject matter be? Pure bondage, I’m thinking. A pinup set? Maybe…maybe a few different girls of mine, my OCs, doing pinup and bondage and pinup bondage? We’ll see what my buddy thinks.
Anywho, here’s that pic.
New Artwork New Self
So I made a thingy. A girly girl. My avatar of course. But this one I call DireBat!
See, I’ve been pretty consistent with my Metrobay Comics series. Sometimes I’m late or I have had to miss a monthly update. I never enjoy doing that. I don’t get a great deal of feedback there except from one of the admins, he’s very sweet to me. Well both are, everyone there is nice, in fact. If you haven’t found them on Discord, then I dunno what to tell ya! Anyway, anyone who knows me knows I struggle without feedback. It’s not so much that I thrive on validation as it is I thrive on dopamine. I’m an adult diagnosed ADHD, as well as some other really interesting Ds. Like one chick said to me, “I’ve got all the Ds except the one D I want!” Bwhahahaha! Neurodivergents. We are awesome.
So I’m trying to entertain myself with my art. I used to LOVE being in love online, and enjoyed making pics for people, especially of my characters in online games like World of Warcraft. But before WoW, before Everquest (the original!), there was Yahoo! Groups. And we roleplayed in those hard. Like, so hard. And that got me hot for adult roleplay pretty quickly.
Recently a family member who is very dear to me lashed out against me and my behaviours online. To be clear, I haven’t had anyone to play with like that for FOREVER! I really miss it, but I’ve been pretty busy in real life trying to sustain myself and my cute little family. We’re making it. Not thriving quite yet but soon. I’m too busy to really ‘fall in love’ if you will, with a nice sweet boy online. So anyway, this family member seemed pretty confused about some events that occurred about…twelve years ago now? Whatever. She’s allowed to have her pain. And it’s not my job to correct her narrative. I know my truth, cuz I was kinda there. And anyone who knows me knows I’m pretty damned transparent. To a fault. Gives me grief in real life at work, when some hoodlum wants me to be all ‘cool’ and secretive and I’m like, “uh no, hold on, calling da cops!” I can often be a Karen cuz of my need for transparency and to have things above board, all out on the table. Again, it’s a common ADHD thing.
Anyway, rambling. But that conversation with my family member really…stirred me up. Not in that I am suddenly having guilt. No, not at all. Probably the opposite…? I feel like I want to return to something I’ve lost over these long years, over this decade of divorce and division.
I used to be a sexual being. Since the baby (he’s 6yrs old, by the way!), I’ve been afraid of sex. And not just real life sex – I’ve been fearful of that cuz sex (even the protected kind!) = babies = near death experiences = no thank you! Online too, I’ve been avoiding sexual situations. I’ve been afraid of who I was, because people in real life made it out like I was bad.
I’m not bad. Since 1999, I have struggled with that thought, that my sexuality causes people to feel things, and that therefore I am responsible for their feelings. For the consequences of their feelings. For their hearts when they inevitably break.
I’m not. I’m not responsible for their hearts or their pain. I never lied. I don’t do that. And I break too. But my broken heart is on me, always on me. Sure, people can be real dicks sometimes. But getting hurt and getting broken, that’s on me. If someone is a dirty penis, I need to walk away. That’s up to me. I’ve never really been the revenge type. I tried it once, it failed horribly in that it succeeded soooo righteously. Ugh! XD But no, people online who have broken me, I’ve used what authorities and resources were available in whatever medium, and then left the scene.
Cuz that’s what we do. We don’t lash out. What’s the point? How does that make me bigger or better than anyone else? It sure doesn’t. How does that stop my pain? Sure doesn’t. And sure, knowing someone else is hurting as much as I might be does make my dark little heart pitter patter…but that’s not the real me. That’s a result of childhood trauma, neurodivergence, etc., etc., etc. The real me cares. Always. That’s why people ‘fall in love’ with me. Because so often, I attract people who need caring. And I give it, cuz hey, I love it!
I miss adult roleplay. I miss making art that makes ME wet. I miss making art for individual boys – and sometimes girls! – online that rocks them, that sticks with them, that hits them hard. I like hard…
I wanna be more me. I’m setting up my real life to let me be more me. It’s showing some results. Someone tried to seduce me a week or so ago. Me?? Like….me?? Someone asked to go for drinks. Someone gave me ‘the look’. I tend to drop the ball, or have for the last four years or so. But…now I want to play. I want to take that ball and own that friggin’ court. Like I used to.
I dunno where I’ll go with this urge. I dunno what game to play, since WoW is so politically and morally fucked, and the other games that have come out can’t compete with the world Blizzard created for me. But I can write for me. And I can make art for me. Art like this.
I hope you like it…I sure do. It’s like…masturbation worthy, mmm…
How Dracula Nearly Destroyed Nosferatu!
This is a pretty damned amazing story, so I had to share with y’all. Please visit Shudder.com for more information and to join one helluva great newsletter and horror site!
HORROR HISTORY |
| How We Almost Lost Nosferatu By Michel Marano |
| As we speak, two remakes of FW Murnau’s 1922 silent masterpiece Nosferatu are in the works, one from The Witch filmmaker Robert Eggers starring Anya Taylor-Joy and another from David Lee Fisher, director of the 2005 Cabinet of Dr. Caligari remake to star Doug Jones. But this isn’t the first time Nosferatu has been at the center of two competing versions of the same story.
Almost 100 years ago, Dracula author Bram Stoker’s widow Florence Balcombe sued to have all prints of Nosferatu destroyed, and in so doing, nearly deprived horror movie fans of one of its most iconic movie monsters: Max Schreck as the gaunt, rat-like Count Orlak. After Stoker’s death in 1912, Balcombe, who had once been courted by The Picture of Dorian Gray author Oscar Wilde, was in tough straits. In 1922, after the premiere of Nosferatu in Berlin, which had had full orchestral accompaniment and live sound effects, someone anonymously sent Balcombe a program for the lavish event. The program explicitly stated that Nosferatu was “freely adapted from Bram Stoker’s Dracula,” a thing for which Balcombe, as Stoker’s executor and financially dependent upon her late husband’s works, was not told about or paid for. Balcombe joined the British Incorporated Society of Authors, sending along the program with her check, and asked them to take legal action against Prana Films, the company that made Nosferatu, and which had been founded by German occultist Albin Grau. The British Incorporated Society of Authors coordinated with a German attorney on Balcombe’s behalf against Prana films, which was itself on the financial rocks by the end of three years’ worth of legal wrangling. Realizing she wasn’t going to get any money from the film version of Dracula, Balcombe settled for the destruction of all prints of Nosferatu. But, before the destruction of all the prints in Germany, several copies had been shipped to the United States, where, through a clerical error, Dracula was in the Public Domain. Nosferatu was re-released in 1929 in the States, paving the way for its rise from the dead to be iconic classic it is today. |