Daz Studio Update

I did it! I got my new computer! Sure, I had to go into debt for it…and I’m definitely going to be overpaying for the system. But it WORKS! AND…it lets me use Daz Studio!

Remember when I hated on Daz Studio? Those days aren’t far behind me…it’s a hard program to learn. They do things differently in there, the UI is awful and the directories are hard to memorize and understand. Somehow I have three different libraries, and not organized libraries like in my Poser program. In Poser I was able to make custom libraries; I had one for adult poses and products, two for girls, two for boys, just for the characters, mind you. I had two clothes libraries, two pose libraries. I liked keeping the products nicely organized, so I didn’t have to do a lot of scrolling, and so that when I wanted something, I just went and got it.

Daz doesn’t seem to allow me to do that…yet. I’m sure there’s some way. I’ll find it. And I’ll reorganize everything, some day. For now, I’m trying to learn the program. And it’s going well. I ‘hate’ it, still. I probably always will. It’s this new perception people have, where everything is corporate, why fight the system, just accept it… “Just take it,” whispered softly by a horny and raspy voice with deep bass, into your ears, while it steals your money…

Anyway, I’m going to throw up a few images of what I’ve done in the next post. I’m reworking my Canadian Beaver story. The last update posted at Metrobay Comix, W.I.-L.O. and the gang were going back to the past. But Ubique was tagging along! So now they’re in a brand new universe/dimension. Is it because Willow used nefarious means to get there in the first place, when she was being controlled by the villainess? Or did the trip back home fail because of Ubique jumping into a timeline she was never supposed to be in? You know, they say you can’t exist in multiple universes at the same time. Some theories say that the same ‘thing’ can’t occupy the same space, so if you tried, you could cause the world to, well, explode! Or blow up or something! So maybe that’s what happened. I dunno.

I’m trying to be more organized and professional with the story. I’m trying to plot things out, do some writing beforehand. Usually I wing it. Well if I’m debuting a new story, and using a better program and computer, it’s time to up my game across the board.

Oh also?

New computer?

…plays Star Citizen like a fucking dream…just saying…

BalthazarBludd and the Lily of the Valley

I feel for some reason like that’d make a great story…hrm…Anyway!

Here’s a lovely space based image by my new friend BalthazarBludd who is also an artist at the Metrobay Comix site and universe! I like it. Maybe cuz I see myself as a lily of a sort *purrs*

“OMG, a Lily of the Valley! Now…how the fel do I get it out of this bubble??”

See, look at me! I’m posting more regularly! Woop woop!

Looking For Requests

I don’t do scat, vore, cp, animal or urine. That leaves a lot to your imagination!
So get in here and give me some ideas! Come find me on Discord at the Metrobay Comix server, in the Creator Corners section.
C’mon an’ play wiff me!

New Artwork New Self

So I made a thingy. A girly girl. My avatar of course. But this one I call DireBat!

See, I’ve been pretty consistent with my Metrobay Comics series. Sometimes I’m late or I have had to miss a monthly update. I never enjoy doing that. I don’t get a great deal of feedback there except from one of the admins, he’s very sweet to me. Well both are, everyone there is nice, in fact. If you haven’t found them on Discord, then I dunno what to tell ya! Anyway, anyone who knows me knows I struggle without feedback. It’s not so much that I thrive on validation as it is I thrive on dopamine. I’m an adult diagnosed ADHD, as well as some other really interesting Ds. Like one chick said to me, “I’ve got all the Ds except the one D I want!” Bwhahahaha! Neurodivergents. We are awesome.

So I’m trying to entertain myself with my art. I used to LOVE being in love online, and enjoyed making pics for people, especially of my characters in online games like World of Warcraft. But before WoW, before Everquest (the original!), there was Yahoo! Groups. And we roleplayed in those hard. Like, so hard. And that got me hot for adult roleplay pretty quickly.

Recently a family member who is very dear to me lashed out against me and my behaviours online. To be clear, I haven’t had anyone to play with like that for FOREVER! I really miss it, but I’ve been pretty busy in real life trying to sustain myself and my cute little family. We’re making it. Not thriving quite yet but soon. I’m too busy to really ‘fall in love’ if you will, with a nice sweet boy online. So anyway, this family member seemed pretty confused about some events that occurred about…twelve years ago now? Whatever. She’s allowed to have her pain. And it’s not my job to correct her narrative. I know my truth, cuz I was kinda there. And anyone who knows me knows I’m pretty damned transparent. To a fault. Gives me grief in real life at work, when some hoodlum wants me to be all ‘cool’ and secretive and I’m like, “uh no, hold on, calling da cops!” I can often be a Karen cuz of my need for transparency and to have things above board, all out on the table. Again, it’s a common ADHD thing.

Anyway, rambling. But that conversation with my family member really…stirred me up. Not in that I am suddenly having guilt. No, not at all. Probably the opposite…? I feel like I want to return to something I’ve lost over these long years, over this decade of divorce and division.

I used to be a sexual being. Since the baby (he’s 6yrs old, by the way!), I’ve been afraid of sex. And not just real life sex – I’ve been fearful of that cuz sex (even the protected kind!) = babies = near death experiences = no thank you! Online too, I’ve been avoiding sexual situations. I’ve been afraid of who I was, because people in real life made it out like I was bad.

I’m not bad. Since 1999, I have struggled with that thought, that my sexuality causes people to feel things, and that therefore I am responsible for their feelings. For the consequences of their feelings. For their hearts when they inevitably break.

I’m not. I’m not responsible for their hearts or their pain. I never lied. I don’t do that. And I break too. But my broken heart is on me, always on me. Sure, people can be real dicks sometimes. But getting hurt and getting broken, that’s on me. If someone is a dirty penis, I need to walk away. That’s up to me. I’ve never really been the revenge type. I tried it once, it failed horribly in that it succeeded soooo righteously. Ugh! XD But no, people online who have broken me, I’ve used what authorities and resources were available in whatever medium, and then left the scene.

Cuz that’s what we do. We don’t lash out. What’s the point? How does that make me bigger or better than anyone else? It sure doesn’t. How does that stop my pain? Sure doesn’t. And sure, knowing someone else is hurting as much as I might be does make my dark little heart pitter patter…but that’s not the real me. That’s a result of childhood trauma, neurodivergence, etc., etc., etc. The real me cares. Always. That’s why people ‘fall in love’ with me. Because so often, I attract people who need caring. And I give it, cuz hey, I love it!

I miss adult roleplay. I miss making art that makes ME wet. I miss making art for individual boys – and sometimes girls! – online that rocks them, that sticks with them, that hits them hard. I like hard…

I wanna be more me. I’m setting up my real life to let me be more me. It’s showing some results. Someone tried to seduce me a week or so ago. Me?? Like….me?? Someone asked to go for drinks. Someone gave me ‘the look’. I tend to drop the ball, or have for the last four years or so. But…now I want to play. I want to take that ball and own that friggin’ court. Like I used to.

I dunno where I’ll go with this urge. I dunno what game to play, since WoW is so politically and morally fucked, and the other games that have come out can’t compete with the world Blizzard created for me. But I can write for me. And I can make art for me. Art like this.

I hope you like it…I sure do. It’s like…masturbation worthy, mmm…

Missed Tutorial Tuesday

Ah well. I still did some painting today, trying to paint hair. Ugh. After awhile it literally looks like I’m trying to mold life from the clay the gods used to make men! Blech. It’s like putty. How do you make putty in an awesome program like Photoshop?? Leave it to me…

I was trying to update my headers for here. I put up a werewolf one that I really liked, it’s kinda weird to look at but I was using it as a tester, and once I got it up well…I felt bad for the lil wolfy guy. I didn’t want to take him down!

I put one up of American Woman in her alter ego of Megyn Wolf, one of my Metrobay Comix superheroines. I really like how her lighting turned out fresh out of Poser, but I still wanted to fiddle with some of Ron’s Angel Dust. So purty.

And I did one of the newer V4/G4 DireLilith. It’s a small series I put on the Aphotic Inferno Patreon account. Here on the header, I kinda feel like it’s me saying, “Do you want classy or do you want cunt? Cuz we got them both!” Haha!

Feel free to share your thoughts <3 And stop by and see me while I’m hard at work making you hard…

DireLilith on Picarto.TV!